Monthly Archives: February 2012

How the Catholic Church Stopped Me from Tanning

“Mommy, what happened to your boobies???!!!” Daughter #3, the eight year old, asked shocked – eyes ready to pop out of her head, as I tried on my sagging bikini top from last year. She was right. God I miss breastfeeding.

I was trying on the bathing suits because Randi told me to. Because, as usual, I didn’t want to have to spend money on new ones if I didn’t have to. But clearly, I would definitely have to.

Really bummed out at my bad case of cabin fever and extreme excitement of our move to “Myrtle Beach or Surfside or where-ever”, Randi reminded me that when I moved down, it would most likely already be warm enough to go to the beach. So, while frost collected on my windows like voyeurs, I modeled the suits from last year to her on skype.

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Categories: Humor, myrtle beach move | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

“Mommy, How Long After We Get to Myrtle Beach Before We Start Talking Funny?”

OK, perhaps googling “Myrtle Beach” and then watching an eyewitness account of the 2001 tornado there, this morning, was NOT the best way to introduce my five children – ages 12 and under – to the idea of moving to South Carolina. Needless to say, I think I ended up being scared gobs more than they were.

“How AWESOME was THAT, Mommy?” “Do you think fish got SUCKED out of the sea and DUMPED all over the place?” (picture, if you will, a two year old, a six year old and an eight year old, dancing around my kitchen…pretend sprinkling “fish parts” all over) “What about sharks? Did any of THEM get sucked out of the sea and dumped into any lakes?” The questions came fast and furious, and my mind was a tornado all it’s own wondering if I was making the correct executive decision here…uprooting our family – five daughters – from ice-encrusted upstate New York to balmy South Carolina.

I am so absolutely thrilled the girls are on board with this plan. Life is short. New York is cold. Myrtle Beach is not.

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Categories: Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Tinkerbell and Tampax

My day began quite early this morning with the frustrated grunts of my three year old. She SEEMED to be playing nicely by herself upstairs in her bedroom (Legos?) – no need to check on her. I could just relax in bed and enjoy the last few minutes of darkness before the sun brightened up my world. The grunts turned into whining. And then into sobbing.

“MOMMMMMYYYYY!!!” she cried and I jumped out of bed. All sorts of horrific scenes raced through my mind.

She met me at her doorway, tears dripping down her cheeks, “They don’t work, Mommy. None of the glow sticks work and the wings won’t stick to Barbie’s back!” She grabbed my hand and led to her bed, “Look. See, Mommy? I wanted to make all the Barbies into fairies and give them magic wands. Just like Tinkerbell.” She picked up a “glow stick” to show me, “See, Mommy? I tried breaking all of them but none of them will work! NO FAIR!!”

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Categories: myrtle beach move | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

“Mommy? Why are there naked pictures of you in this book?”

I started packing another box today for our move to Myrtle Beach. This time it was books that were getting stacked. It was about all I could manage after a wild weekend filled with Daughter #5’s third birthday, basketball games, Sunday school and, of course, SuperBowl Sunday.

The gigantic mouse was all my daughter could talk about ever since we first took her to the kiddie “casino” last year to mark the end of the school year. She had been entranced when the mouse reached out and took her little, tiny hand in his big furry paw – her enormous blue eyes staring in sheer adoration. She was in love. She just had to go there for her next birthday, she pleaded – she couldn’t wait for the games and rides, and most of all – the huge mouse.

And so, that is where she got to go on Saturday night, her third birthday. The noise was ear-splitting, the kids packed wall to wall, my arms filled with tickets won from different games. And, after the hour of playtime ticked by, and the pizza was devoured and massive quantities of soda spilt, the announcement came that the mouse was about to come out to greet the special birthday boys and girls.

That’s when my Birthday Girl freaked!

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Categories: myrtle beach move | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 33 Comments

Happy Ground Hog Day! I Cheated on Bob

I cheated on Bob today.

It was all Randi’s daughter’s fault, actually. I whined to my friend that I am getting rather sick and tired with coffee. With Bob. My days are beginning to feel like the movie “Groundhog Day” in that regard. Hopelessly addicted to the stuff, I am 1 – getting bored and, 2 – getting rather annoyed at the intense headaches I am experiencing when I as much as even skip a “bowl” of coffee. With five kids to raise and home-school and a business to run, sleep can sometimes be a priceless commodity, and my dependence on the hot drink knows no bounds. So, Randi’s daughter suggested green tea.

When I was younger, I was a consummate tea drinker – however my tea of choice was loose Russian Caravan Black Tea which I bought in these delightful tins from Macy’s. I had a set of gorgeous Polish crystal glasses that you would put into ornate silver “cup holders”, and the loose tea would then be put into a tiny strainer and boiling hot water poured over it. The smell was deliciously intense and I could never wait for it to cool before helplessly giving in to take a sip.

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Categories: myrtle beach move | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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