Oh Dear God, Don’t Sit On the Pineapple!!

You are about to be the first to find out.

I’m dumping Bob.

He’s just not hot anymore.

I admit that I have been rough on him lately – using him around the clock, over and over. I suppose I had to expect him to just get tired and stop responding the way I need him to. He was there to listen to me, to agree with me and even comfort me. He made each day seem clear – vivid…giving me the energy I needed to make it through most days…

“Mommy, you should get one of those one-cup-at-a-time coffeemakers,” Daughter #4 – the six year old, decided when I griped about the old one (Bob).

“Are you insane?” Daughter #2, scoffed at her sister, “have you ever watched Mommy drink coffee?”

“She could have a fresh cup everytime.”

“She drinks bowlfuls – she would have to make two of those little things to equal one cup. She would go insane waiting for each cup.” Ahhh….my children know me so well.

I was cutting the top off a pineapple and looking around for a bowl (NOT one of my coffee cups) to fill with water and stick it in so we could grow it. Daughter #1, my thirteen year old brought over a bowl and left it out of my way on a kitchen chair. I shoved six toothpicks into the firm flesh of the fruit and carefully set it into the bowl.

As I cut up the juicy yellow flesh into chunks, the girls crowded me, devouring it like a school of piranha – “Mmmm….tastes like summer,” my three year old jumped up and down clapping her hands and disappeared.

She reappeared in a second dressed in her sister’s bathing suit (backwards and inside out) and a pair of fairy wings. She danced and twirled, blond curls bouncing happily everywhere.

I should have seen it coming. I should have done something to prevent it – but, in any event, it happened. She ricocheted off the refrigerator and landed directly on top of the pineapple cutting with all her weight, just as I heard my voice raise above the loud deafening chatter – “OH DEAR GOD, DON’T SIT ON THE PINEAPPLE!!”

So, on my agenda today – mopping the ocean of water off my floor, getting a sexy new coffeemaker and soothing a smarting tushy…


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40 thoughts on “Oh Dear God, Don’t Sit On the Pineapple!!

  1. Sounds like Wednesday has already been quite eventful.
    I love the conversation your daughters had about your coffee intake. Priceless. Have fun coffee maker shopping.

  2. She is such a cutie…even with that “hurt tushy” face! Love it!

  3. Heartwarming AND priceless! Awesome post!

  4. anjig

    LOLOL! Poor kiddo

  5. Oh no…sounds like an eventful Wednesday in your neck of the woods.

  6. Oh no…sounds like an eventful Wednesday in your neck of the woods!

  7. Yes you threw me there for a minute. You apparently were talking about your coffee pot and I thought you wer referring to a battery operated boyfriend

  8. I know this doesn’t have anything to do with the post but, did you say pineapple cutting? Are you trying to grow a pineapple tree? Thanks for my new google research.

  9. moorestorms

    Awe! Your poor daughter! It’s something how we want to stop something, but it happens before we have a chance to do anything about it!

    I love the bathing suit inside out and backwards! Sounds like our home!

  10. Great post. Made me laugh (and groan). Poor baby! Loved the picture, btw!

  11. Thanks for the smile! I think daughter #2 (if not all) knows that you drink coffee for THEIR protection…as I do my loving family! Great post!

  12. Her poor baby bum. That must have hurt. Too funny!

  13. That’s a great story. The poor girl!

  14. hump indeed.

  15. unfinishedbizness

    I love the fairy wings and the look on her face!

  16. wait. who’s bob?

  17. Poor Bob. Let him down easy!

    I had tears running down my face over the pineapple top! My Beanie would have done EXACTLY the same thing. Cheers! — Kelly

  18. That’s hilarious!!

  19. Sorry to hear about Bob. 😦 Sounds as though he was a reliable companion. Keep us posted on his replacement!

  20. lynnlovesediting

    Let Bob know that he can drown his sorrow in drinks with my dead beat coffee maker!

    I love your post! Hilarious!I can only pray that my child is as entertaining as your children.

  21. Pingback: Reader Appreciation Award « LynnLovesEditing

  22. That is definitely one for the family history book! Life with children is never dull.

  23. You little girls are too precious for words. Poor baby and smarting you-know-what. Ouch. Hope all’s well now.

    Poor Bob. Use him and then lose him. Especially now that he’s not hot enough. Got me laughing.

  24. Oh the things mothers find themselves saying to their kids. I’m sure you never thought you’d have to tell someone not to sit on a pineapple!

  25. Little concerned about Bob here. This should be his day. ‘How on earth did a pineapple win the staring role in all this’, he must be thinking.

  26. 🙂 Thank you for making my day- Excellent!

  27. overactive ovaries

    Poor little one! At least she was rocking the outfit 🙂

  28. too cute you gotta love kids

  29. Aww, poor little girl! She looks adorable though 🙂 Good luck finding a sexy replacement for Bob!

    • Thank you, and I am DEF on the hunt for a hunky replacement (or at least one whose warming thingy still works 😉

  30. Oh my goodness! Are we living the same life??? Thank you for sharing! Definitely made me smile today!

  31. Funny stuff! Thanks for the chuckle this morning!

  32. This sitting-on-the-pineapple was entirely predictable from my vantage point of being a senior citizen. My own two children, and now my grandhildren, behaved in very similar fashion. Love the story and the photograph in this post. Brings back so many hilarious and cherished memories!

  33. Nicole

    Hey thanks for checking out my blog! This is cute story sounds like you and your kids have some fun everyday adventures : )

  34. Too funny!! My kids give me such a hard time about my love of coffee too… Thanks for stopping bye my blog and following!! 🙂 have a nice week!

  35. When my kids had friends over for the night, in the morning I would hear them say,”Don’t talk to mom until she has had her first cup of coffee”.

  36. Loved this!

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