funny

Why I Sleep With Herks…

vicky-831I did something the nuns who taught me would definitely NOT approve of me doing.

OK, to be honest, there’s quite a few things the nuns would not approve of, however, I am referring to one thing in particular at the moment.

When I was young, I wanted to be a nun. I think the part that interested me was that dressed in a habit, I could look like a bride every day! (Clearly, the concepts of chastity and poverty hadn’t entered my mind yet.) I was also intrigued by paranormal and psychic things – things the nuns didn’t particularly embrace – actually frowned upon quite a lot.

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Categories: adventure, funny, Humor, life, mother, parenting, single parent, travel, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Men, Their Meat, and Pleasing Women

bbqI found this prowling around the internet and HAD to share. I’m not sure who to credit for it, but it’s hysterical and TRUE! HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!!!

We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it’s the only type of cooking a ‘real’ man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine…

(1) The woman buys the food.

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Categories: children, family, funny, Humor, journal, life, parenting | Tags: | 13 Comments

I Just Had to Share This – HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!!!!!

I found this as I was looking for something entirely different online…I’m not sure who to thank for it – but it sure made me laugh outloud and I wanted to share!

 

“A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa . ‘The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, ‘Wedding Cake.’”

Categories: family, funny, Humor, journal, life, mom, personal, stay at home mom | 17 Comments

Help Needed – Pairing Wines With Whines

ecard

YEEHAW!!!! It’s one of THOSE weeks Gotta keep reminding myself that this too shall pass. Is yours going ok?

Categories: family, funny, Humor, journal, mom, personal, relocating, stay at home mom | 13 Comments

Pssst!! Check This Out….

The girls are all still sleeping and I am putting the final touches on my first post of 2013 as well launching my newest site…Victoria’s Tajemnica!

vt-2

Categories: family, funny, Humor, journal, kids, life, mommy, mother, parenting, personal | Leave a comment

“Mom…I Have Issues Eating Food That Looks the Same Coming Out as it Does Going In!”

HOW MUCH for an ear of corn???

My father’s darkroom.

Back when he was alive, I would spend countless hours sitting down there with him. The soft red couch he had is still there and feels familiar to my skin as I tuck my legs under myself and close my eyes. This room is where I go to do serious thinking – it’s quiet and calming and all mindblocks vanish as soon as I close the heavy, carved mahogany door behind me.

The air is cool in an unusual way for late June in upstate New York, and a soft breeze moves around the smell of the developing chemicals – stored in neat rows behind a dark curtain to keep them safe from light – and it heightens my memories even more.

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Categories: children, funny, Humor, journal, life, mom, mommy, parenting, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , | 1 Comment

“Mommy, Look at the Size of HIS Tent!!”

This morning was a “double scoop of vanilla ice cream in my bowl of coffee” type of morning.

It’s Memorial Day weekend, it’s gorgeous out, and all five of my daughters are sleeping in late. The pool, which I originally did not plan on opening, is indeed being opened this weekend despite our upcoming move – much to the girls’ delight.

And, to mix things up a bit out there, I decided to buy the girls an “icicle tent” to set up as a “clubhouse”.

The entire idea came around from a lump of clay.

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Categories: children, family, funny, Humor, kids, life, mom, mommy, parenting, stay at home mom | Tags: , , | 2 Comments

Why is There Alpaca Fur on the Floor in my Children’s Room?

I am a LOVER of surprises…

What I am NOT a lover of, is coming home and discovering a white floor covering in my 6 and 8 year old daughters bedroom. Especially when this white floor covering is actually an eight foot by five foot, white alpaca fur rug. Did I mention it’s white?

“Daddy got it for us,” my six year reported excitedly as she sprawled out on it, petting it, nuzzling the long fur. “He said he saw it and just knew we had to have it!”

Cranberry juice. Orange juice. Grape juice. Chocolate. Gum. Paint. Clay. Glue. Throw-up…

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Categories: children, family, funny, Humor, kids, mom, mommy, mother, parenting, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Honey, Don’t Drip Water On the Floor – There’ll Be Weird Clean Spots…

During storms I like to light candles. And turn off all the lights. And enjoy feeling the raw power of Mother Nature envelope me – filling my senses.

My five girls sit by the windows, watching and waiting. Watching the raindrops plunge heavily downward, using the grass and flowers and little red wagon as trampolines. Waiting for my “OK” (for the lightning and thunder to pass) to run outside – barefoot, of course – and cover each other with globs of mud and then rinse that mud off in the torrential downpour.

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Categories: children, family, funny, Humor, journal, kids, mom, parenting, stay at home mom, Uncategorized | 4 Comments

The Man Who Lives In the Woods Behind My House…

Sssshhhh….

There is an old man who lives in the wide expanse of woods behind my house. He committed a hideous crime – it was so bad, I can’t even describe it – and was sent to prison. Life sentences – nine of them. He was a very clever, very shrewd man, and in 1999, the year my oldest daughter was born,  through careful planning, he escaped, and ran into the woods behind our house where he has lived ever since. There’s even a lean-to that you can see if you go deep, deep into the brush.

Anyway, that’s the story I made up to tell my girls every time we wander through the beautiful, lush woods…

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Categories: children, family, funny, Humor, journal, kids, life, mommy, parenting, personal | 3 Comments

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