Why I Sleep With Herks…

I did something the nuns who taught me would definitely NOT approve of me doing.

OK, to be honest, there’s quite a few things the nuns would not approve of, however, I am referring to one thing in particular at the moment.

When I was young, I wanted to be a nun. I think the part that interested me was that dressed in a habit, I could look like a bride every day! (Clearly, the concepts of chastity and poverty hadn’t entered my mind yet.) I was also intrigued by paranormal and psychic things – things the nuns didn’t particularly embrace – actually frowned upon quite a lot.

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Men, Their Meat, and Pleasing Women

I found this prowling around the internet and HAD to share. I’m not sure who to credit for it, but it’s hysterical and TRUE! HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!!!

We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it’s the only type of cooking a ‘real’ man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine…

(1) The woman buys the food.

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Psst? Got a Sec?

Saint Padre Pio, please help my dear friend today.

Please say a quick prayer that Saint Padre Pio look after a very, very dear friend of mine today who desperately needs his help and guidance dealing with an abusive domestic issue. She needs a miracle. She needs him to please give her a sign that she is doing the right thing.

(Actually, it wouldn’t hurt to ask Pope John Paul II and Mother Teresa – and anyone else up there who isn’t too busy – for help either).

I Just Had to Share This – HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!!!!!

I found this as I was looking for something entirely different online…I’m not sure who to thank for it – but it sure made me laugh outloud and I wanted to share!

 

“A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa . ‘The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, ‘Wedding Cake.’”

Butt-Dancing, Pole-Dancing, Disco Dancing – It’s All Good

Zbyszek turned into a lovely, snow-covered tree.

That’s what my friends told me that New Year’s Eve night many, many moons ago in Poland. He had been madly in love with my friend Grazyna – who, it turned out, was madly in love with someone else. And apparently, she told him so that night.

In his despair – and after a few many shots of Zytnia wodka – he ran out of the house, sans coat, and into the woods behind the house we were celebrating in.

“O Matko!” wailed Grazyna as she noticed the front door left wide open, blowing snow was beginning to collect like powdered sugar in the hallway, and a gasp followed by whispers, rippled through the room.

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WATCH SHARK TANK TONIGHT!!

Tonight, one of my FAVORITE businesses, CordaRoy Bean Bag Beds, will be featured on the show “Shark Tank”. You’ll recognize him as the maker of my “funnest” pieces of furniture from my posts. Don’t miss this episode! Even better, grab yourself one of his incredible chairs! GOOD LUCK, BYRON (and I still have your package I need to get out to you)!!!

“Mommy, You’re 60 Pounds and 8 Minutes!”

Sometimes too much information, to the wrong person, at the wrong time – can be a bit, well, comical – depending on how much ibuprofen you have on hand.

My youngest will be turning 4 soon. Of course in her mind she’s 14, and on an intellectual level with my oldest. So when Daughter #2, the 12 year old, asked how gemstones were measured (apparently she was momentarily bored with her new iPod), the little one’s interest was piqued and she scooted off the burgundy velvet sofa and sat down crossed-leg on her new pink bean bag chair next to us.

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Pssst!! Check This Out….

The girls are all still sleeping and I am putting the final touches on my first post of 2013 as well launching my newest site…Victoria’s Tajemnica!

Diamonds, Champagne and the Most Awesome Hot Tub Experience I Have Ever Had…

I love to bang.

On dolomite.

The rhythmic pounding on rock with rock hammers and chisels, in hopes of having water-clear, double terminated Herkimer Diamonds come spilling out onto the grey dust gives me just an incredible rush. Actually, they more like come flying out – looking perfectly faceted. Seeing the glittery rainbow sparkle peek out from the mazes of stone crevices makes every blow worthwhile. After a few hours, dust covers one from head to foot, and muscles scream for mercy, but clear zip-lock bags filled with gemstones keep us going until the very second the mine closes for the day.

Last weekend, after a long day of mining, I dragged my weary body – dusty and sore – to the Bellinger Rose Bed and Breakfast in Herkimer, NY. I did not have a particularly successful day finding diamonds, and there was nothing more I wanted than to settle into my room.

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I’ve Got 8 Bottles of Frisky-Hued Nail Polish, So What the Heck Am I Still Doing in NY?

I’ve been dragging my feet lately regarding our move to either the Cape or Myrtle Beach. And the reason is the weather.

Putting aside the slight drought, it’s been gorgeous just about every single day. Closing your eyes and sipping a cool drink is a lot easier than poring over thousands of houses. Dreaming of running in slow motion on the beach and falling, giggling, in the sand, in the arms of that really good looking guy who jogs around the Myrtle Beach boardwalk in the mornings dressed in blue and white, is a lot more relaxing than thinking about packing and moving trucks and unpacking.

And, I’m not quite done saying my good-byes yet. I haven’t even started. The more I close my eyes as I float in my pool…

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